Dear Jacob

July 1st, forty-two years ago, I got a card. 

If not today, one day very soon, you’ll know the joys of being a mother. Happy Birthday, Terri. We love you so very much,

Mom and Dad

Jacob’s due date was close to my birthday.  He wasn’t born that day but a week later.  Tomorrow is my firstborn’s birthday.  And I have, without a doubt, experienced the joys of motherhood with two amazing sons.

My Dear Jacob,

You became my world. Your well-being was my number one priority.  Every, EVERY first-time parent understands that no amount of reading, classes, observation, etc. could possibly prepare me for all that went along with being your mom.

I will never forget you being placed in my arms. The wonder and miracle that you belonged to me. The gamut of emotions: LOVE, fear, worry, excitement, doubt, nervousness …. I felt them all plus more. Mostly smitten, in love.

Colic was hard on both of us.  I called the pediatrician’s office so many times, it became embarrassing.  I thought about changing my name.  Felt the nurse was thinking, ‘oh, it is HER again’! 

The pure bliss of watching you sleep on your daddy’s chest.  Thanking God for the best gift on earth.  

I can still picture the first time you giggled.  I was holding you in my lap while sitting on the bed and gently bouncing you.  Your back was up against my stomach and you could see yourself in the mirror and you GIGGLED!  It was the best.  From that moment on, as crazy as we must have appeared, the mission was to repeat it.  Parents are funny that way. 

I remember taking you to the mall for a picture when you could barely sit up and the photographer going on and on about your beautiful eyes.  She was right and I was beaming. 

Never uttering a word but babbling dadadadadadada.  Oh how I lived to hear you speak.  I cannot imagine how difficult it is to live in a world where you can’t.  The good news is you will one day.  When we are in heaven together.  I cannot wait to have a conversation with you.

You have been my teacher:  1) take your time, rushing doesn’t help you get anywhere faster.  2) patience is indeed a virtue. 3)  don’t judge others.  4) be yourself. 5) what matters most cannot be seen. 6) enjoy the music. 7) find things that make you smile. 8) don’t try to impress others.

You have made me a better person.  And, changed me and the world without trying. Your smile makes my day. Every. Single. Time.

I wish for you joy and contentment.  Peace and security.  To know and feel the everlasting love of God.  Prayers you will have tender loving care your entire life.  As much as I want the very best for you, it is our Heavenly Father who will make sure it happens. 

Happiest of birthdays sweet Jacob.

I love you so much it hurts,

Mom

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