If you don’t know Jacob, words really aren’t enough. If you do, words aren’t necessary. And yet, here I am trying to paint a picture with enough words to make our story real and give a clearer understanding, if that’s possible.
Reading this blog week after week, you are getting to know him and that is huge for me. Thank you for being interested in our life. Curious about autism. How he ticks. How we parent. (Disclaimer, we don’t know what we are doing.) What makes us laugh. What makes us cry, or at least feel like it. What we’ve survived!
The other night at bedtime our routine was different. Usually Mike is the last one in his room. Jacob listens to ‘Wheels on the Bus’ on the kindle, then night time prayers, he’s covered up, and lights go out. I was the last one in his room that night. I covered him (in his bearded man sheets that I say are pictures of his brother), knelt on the floor by his bed, and started singing to him. I actually sang a lullaby. “Lullaby and good night, go to sleee-eeep, my Jacob.” Over and over and over again. Part long-time lyrics and part made up as I went.
He was calm and his eyes twinkled and he didn’t want me to stop. It was a sweet, tender moment that was a God wink for me. I wish you could have been a fly on the wall to witness the stillness. The contentment. The bond.
How sweet it is to be loved by him.
How sweet it is, the love is not a whim.
You better believe, I close my eyes at night,
Thanking God for this precious gift in my life.
Everything I do, seems to be with him in mind.
Everywhere I go, to return from leaving him behind.
He makes me crazy, furious, and happy all in a day.
I can’t even begin to name all the countless ways.
For every emotion he brings me to, now and then.
Jesus, I just want to stop and say Thank You, again.
I don’t believe Jacob has a malice bone in his body. He is in no way perfect. I just don’t think he has the desire to do evil. Even though he has a sin nature, like I do, his thought process probably doesn’t work like mine, to get what he wants. Does he lash out? Yes. Lose control? Indeed. Show love? In his own way, absolutely!
The tune made popular by James Taylor in the 70’s started playing in my head that night. ‘How sweet it is to be loved by you.’ I started thinking about my privilege to be Jacob’s mom. To love him like I do because I can sing, “how sweet it is to be loved by You”. Knowing every good and perfect gift comes from God above.
And, I can look in his eyes and sing a lullaby to my 41 year old son. “Close your eyes, sound asleep, sweee-eeet dreams my boy.”
How sweet it is.
Problem-Free Philosophy 
Oh what a sweet testimony of the bond between a child and parent. One thing I know for sure is that Jacob could not have parents that love him anymore than you and Mike! There is a special love I have for Jacob but I know God loves him more than any of us and that gives me comfort. Thank you for allowing us to see your heart.
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Yes, God loves him more!
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I couldn’t agree more… love your precious family
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Thanks for making this 8-week-new mama cry!!!
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Oooohhhh 🥰. Time goes by so fast but I hope you can sing lullabies for a long time!!!
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I loved this blog. I have learned so much about autism. Thanks for sharing your word with others.💙💙
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Your encouragement means so much!!!
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Your words are elegant, yet simple. And it’s the simple things that bring joy! You nailed exactly how I feel about Chris. . .what an honor to be mothers of our special kids! Love you and thank you so very much for sharing your thoughts so openly.
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Love you, too! Thanks for your encouragement.
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Terri. You are amazing. I love reading your posts about sweet Jacob. I usually read them with tears in my eyes because they are so special.
Nita Ferguson
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Oh thank you so very much. We are blessed by long time supporters. You and D are among those 🥰.
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