In last week’s blog post, Letting Go, I talked about teaching our children independence. Doing everything we could so they wouldn’t need us when they are grown. Realizing all the while, that concept would look differently for Jacob. The truth is, Jacob depends on others for daily help. Dressing, eating, communicating, etc. For as much as we want him to succeed and thrive, Jacob will always depend on us or others. He needs assistance, every day, in almost every area.
As a Christian, I have no doubt in my mind that God made me the way I am to prepare me to be Jacob’s mom. He gave me a heart to serve or help. I was designed to demonstrate the love of Christ by helping others. What does that mean? Assisting Jacob comes naturally for me. Don’t get me wrong, most parents are willing and able to help their children. It is their desire to do everything they can to make their lives better. And we are blessed to have such amazing family members and friends who’ve demonstrated what it means to be hands-on, engaged parents. However, the reality is that most people don’t plan on brushing their child’s teeth for 40 plus years.
When we cradled our newborn we already had plans for his future. That plan didn’t materialize as imagined. Whether I had pursued being a veterinarian or meteorologist or some other wonderful career, the job I was called to do was to be a mom. Some say it is the hardest job on earth. And some days, I would agree. (Although I’ve not had enough other paying jobs to really compare!)
But, you know what? God’s plan is always better. I’ve learned a lot through serving Jacob but no lesson more important than this:
Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You’re the One that guides my heart
Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh, God, How I need YouMatt Maher
I learned else something along the way. Teaching them to be independent was not as important as modeling for them my need for Christ. While the goal is for them to ‘make it on their own’, their ultimate success will be on realizing their need is not for us, but in a relationship with a Heavenly Father.
When I start focusing on how hard this is, I feel sorry for myself and get weary of helping. Oh, I am so human and there are days overwhelmed and need a break. When I focus on being the Mom that God designed me to be, I see being able to take care of Jacob’s needs as a gift from above that stretches me, makes my heart grow, and become a better person.
Once I was away at a convention and left Mike at home and in charge of both boys. When I returned and questioned him about something that wasn’t done (per my expectations), he quickly said, “I knew you like to feel needed.” He proceeded to tell me about an Andy Griffith episode: Andy and Opie, Housekeepers. Taylor men are slobs, but picking up after themselves, when on their own, may be the wrong message to send to Aunt Bee, who needs to feel needed. And, I felt and feel needed, for sure!!
As much as Jacob needs us (and I like to feel needed!), I may need him even more.
But above all, in every minute, in all things, whether running on empty or with a full tank,
Oh, God, how I desperately need You.Terri Pigford