It was a hard morning. Not that it started out difficult. Jacob was groggy and slow to get moving but he finally got up without extra coercing. Something was a little off though. He was spinning more than usual. Getting him dressed made me dizzy. In the end, all articles of clothing, socks, and shoes remained on so that was a win.
He wouldn’t eat or drink anything before leaving home which isn’t unusual. He didn’t appear to be upset at all. Just nothing interested him. But as we started toward the garage, he became agitated. I still don’t know what set him off. Had I known what the next 30 minutes were going to entail, I could have given him a chill pill. Hindsight is 20/20, right? I have a couple of options in our arsenal that could help calm him but I didn’t see this coming.
For some reason he started chasing our two dogs. He never does that. Neither of them ever bother him but they were underfoot in the hall as we were headed to the garage (which is typically where they are every time we are leaving home). It seemed like he was out to get them and frankly they were frightened by his behavior. Both had their tails tucked. The male is usually pretty cool with any behavior Jacob exhibits. He’ll wait for me at Jacob’s bedroom door even if he is bouncing off the walls. Our female is more ‘sensitive’. Let’s just say, if Jacob is acting out, she goes to the other side of the house to be clear of him. I think this particular day it was a matter of them being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Apparently, he was going to take his agitation out on anyone or anything in his way. They probably could have used a chill pill, too.
As a rule, I have low blood pressure but I could feel it rising! Once I got G & L separated from him, he took it out on me. Grabbing at my clothes and my arms, swatting at me, both of our elbows flying, pictures being knocked off the wall. It. Was. Crazy. Town.
Finally, I got my arms around him in a bear hug and into the garage. Where, you guessed it, he didn’t want to get in the van. Refused. Circled it fussing and pulling on me. At one point, I got in the driver’s seat and cranked it, trying to ignore him. Hoping he’d settle down. Eventually he got in but then would not let me buckle him up. Had me by the wrist, at arm’s length, where fastening the seat belt was impossible. Twice I got back in the driver’s seat to give both of us time to calm down before trying again. Once I got him buckled, I was out of breath and in tears.
I backed out of the garage but just sat in our driveway bewildered at how quickly he was out of control and how helpless I felt. It was one of those moments where I prayed he would forget whatever made him mad to start with. And, that once he was away from home and away from me, all would be well in his world.
I drove the few minutes to his day program in silence. Too angry, too upset, and way too frustrated to even talk to him. On good mornings, he is buckled up without the added safety clasp that keeps him from unbuckling. This wasn’t a good morning so I had made sure to use it. Now that we were at the center and it was time to unbuckle and get out, he wouldn’t let me release the safety device. A wrestling match ensued where after some time, I accomplished what I set out to do. Once unbuckled, I quickly got back in the driver’s seat to give him space to exit. After a while, he tired of sitting in the hot van, got out, opened the driver’s door, and grabbed me. He wasn’t giving up his bad mood easily. Realizing I was not getting out nor giving up my, now, bad mood either, he headed toward the building.
The entrance looked safe enough. No one was standing in the doorway. (LINK – Clear a Path: https://problemfreephilosophy.blog/2019/09/12/clear-a-path/.) There were two fellas sitting on the bench outside chatting and enjoying the breeze. He walks past them many mornings without giving them a thought or glance. This wasn’t one of those mornings. He got to the door only to turn around and grab both of them. A staff person on the inside and I saw it at the same time and both hurried to rescue them from Jacob’s grasp. It was upsetting enough that they weren’t doing anything to bother Jacob. But, on top of that, they are legally blind so Jacob’s touch rattled them both terribly. The staff member remained calm assuring the young men that Jacob didn’t mean to scare them and he was going inside. Once they were free of his grip, Jacob started to run away but I grabbed him and literally wrangled him into the building. The staff member took over and escorted him down the hallway toward the kitchen.
I got in the van shaking. Now I needed a chill pill. How did the morning go so wrong? There was nothing to indicate he was sick. Would I get a call to come pick up my disruptive son? His behavior was scary to say the least.
Instead of running the planned errands, I went home to let tears flow. To hug our sweet Golden Retrievers so they’d know all was going to be okay. To pray the day would get better. I didn’t see how it could get much worse. To weigh the pros and cons of letting him stay home and sleep in the next day or take a chance. A chance that there would be a repeat performance.
There are moments when I feel, I know, that what I need most is to rest in peace. To embrace God’s spirit. The spirit that pours over me to sooth my soul was my chill pill that moment. Did you know chill pills come in many forms? Not to be flippant but seek the Holy Spirit when nothing is going right. A few other ‘pills’ that help me – rest, prayer, tears, reaching out to a friend, and one of my favorites, a mocha frappuccino!
I am so very thankful for new mornings. Thankful that the next morning I determined to try again. And he was like a different person. He was fairly cooperative getting dressed and out the door. He tried to keep me from buckling him up but that didn’t last long. Once at his drop off point, he got out within a few minutes and walked in without incident.
Clap your hands all you people, shout unto God with a voice of PRAISE!!!